Focusing on my life is not something that comes easily or without consequences for me. What I mean is, I can’t look back on how things turned out the way they did without wondering “what would have happened if” and how I could have changed things. I’m just now starting to realize how some of my inherent character flaws are affecting my current life and wondering if I have the courage to break past them and stay on the other side of those walls for extended periods of time. I miss going out with friends and having fun. Few of them are still in the same area as me, having gone off to better their own lives or get an education, not that I can really blame them with how dead our town is. Unless you’ve got money, there’s really not much to do.
So I put this out there, if not talk about myself and the world around me, about what changes in my life and what I observe and think and dream, then what do I write about in a blog? I’m still figuring this whole thing out. I’m loath to put any of my creative writing up, if only for the fact that I don’t know if I’ll need it later down the road and because it was here first, nobody will touch it. Why pay for something I can already access for free, right? Well, what if I were to start a story intended only for the internet? Only for this blog? Would I be able to keep it up? I don’t know. I’ve never tried, really.
On that note, I’m glad to have finally figured out what my New Year’s resolution is. I’m so close to a novel length piece after working on it for… dear god, it’s been 2 1/2 years now! So my goal for this year is to finish that monster. Even if I only finish this first part of the story, the first book, I’ll be happy. It’ll mean I have finally finished something of such a great length. And I intend upon completion to treat myself to something nice. I have no idea what, but I’ll figure that part out later. At that point, I can clearly and easily say to myself to kick my own rear into gear “Get off your butt and just do it. You’ve done it before and you can do it again! Now MOVE!” It’s that sort of thinking that got me to a two-mile walk in about 20 minutes when I was doing those. Long story. Different post. Don’t ask. But suffice to say, I’ve been rather lazy and haven’t seen my old walking route in quite a while.
So yeah, finish that beast. I’ve got the second part started, thanks to a NaNoWriMo from a while ago, but only a fraction of the story down. It’s a good thing I already know where the first part ends, isn’t it? Anyway, what sort of story should I write for you here, since I’m not likely to get it published elsewhere? I suppose I’ll figure something out. Until then, you’ll just have to settle with my thoughts. Here’s to planning out the next big work! My side-project of sorts.